I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
