dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
