What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
