is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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