Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
