just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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