I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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