and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
