I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
