omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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