he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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