erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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