That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
