he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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