You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
