I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
