Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
