he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
