so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
