His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
