9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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