Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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