I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
