fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize