Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
