alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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