I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
