you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize