my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
