White coat. Heels.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
whose ass print is on the piano?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
