i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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