Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
