3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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