drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize