One girl and one boy is just not enough.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
