If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
