her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
