I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You left your phone here
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