Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
