new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
