I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
