so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
