think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
