help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
