i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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