Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
