i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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