my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
