maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
