No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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