its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
