I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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