My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
