WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
