ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
