You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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