i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
