Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
