when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
