Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
