I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
