just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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