Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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