apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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