Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
