yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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