we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
