Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
