i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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