I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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