Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
