I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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