you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
