hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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