i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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