It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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