I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
