Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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